Aslında çok yorgunum.

25/08/2018 | 53 Comments
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Aslında çok yorgunum.

Onca telaşenin içersinde kendimi unutulmuş hissediyorum.

Kıvrılıp biryere sığmıyorum.

Kaç ev var ruhumun sığmadı, kaç çatı var benliğim ile çatışan ruhumu duymayıp içerisinde ağırlayamayan.

Kendime susadım, canımı sıkıp zorla içittiriyorum.

Kendimi yaşayarak yaşamın bana henüz müsade etmediği tatlara göç edemiyorum.

Hâlbuki yudumlamıştım daha evvel.

Tutup bırakıp eve dönüp ve almamanın pişmanlığı olur ya onu zehir gibi yutuyorum -mecburi.

İçimde dolanıyor, kopuyorum.

Kendime kavuşmak için kıyıya köşeye sığınıyorum.

Yere değil göğe değil arasında birşey tutulmuş nefes alamıyorum.

Olsa verecem, alamadığım birşeyi nasıl versem? Onu düşünüyorum.

Uçurumun kenarına güldünüz mü hiç?

Her durum ayrı bir ifrit uyandırıyor, derin nefes alıp bedenim birşey geri veremiyor.

Soluk soluğa kalmış bir ruh hızla başını alıp giderken nereye düşerse düşsün çölün içinde yanarak dinlenmeye ihtiyaç duyar.

Tek işittiğim -sesler.

Gurbeti taşıyan gözler.

Cam kenarına sığınmış bir aile.

Sanki herşeyi biliyor ama çocuk olduğu için seviliyor -acı.

Bu yaz işittiğin en sık kelam “Çocuğum”..

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