Bakışında henüz akmamış gözyaşları duruyordu

05/03/2018 | 9 Comments
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Bir keresinde sormuştu, beklemenin sonu var olur mu diye. Suskun bir tavrı vardı her zamanki gibi, asaleti endamımdan okunuyor, bakışında akmamış gözyaşları duruyordu. Sulu olan damlalar nasıl durduğu gibi kendiside öyle duruyordu. Ağır, zarif bir anlam taşıyan bir kimse. Öyle zariftiki, eline koysalardı o duyguyu, çubuk diye ardından ortasından bölseler merhamet akardı en derininden. Merhameti adeta içinde sıkıp saklayan koruma niyeti ile kendisine ‚ana‘ olan bir kimse. Kısa cevaplardan bıkmış, anlamsız tavırlardan kabarmış yaralanmış bir yürek, hem sorulmamış sorulardan tıkanıp ruhların içinde gezinen bir ‚farklılık‘. Cehalettir en derin korkutan, ondan beklemek için bir işaret isteriz mevlamdan, ona sığınıp ona ibadetimiz ile hizmet edip en dernimizden güvenip sabra niyet edip bekleriz. Nihayetinde ışık saçmak için yanarız, bir mum gibi. Neyi beklediğimizi bilmeden sonsuza dek bekleriz. Her hedef yeni bir başlangıç içindir, sonumuzu bilseydik korkunun anlamı olmaz, aşmanın ferahlaması gönlümüzde yanmazdı …

9 Antworten zu “Bakışında henüz akmamış gözyaşları duruyordu”

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