Kalt, Kälte.

16/01/2019 | 25 Comments
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Reue und Einsicht bringen irgendwann auch nichts mehr.

Diese tiefe Enttäuschung, dessen Neubeginn nie wieder wett gemacht werden kann.

Es schmerzt, es schmerzt nach all dem Schmerz zu erfahren wie tief diese Fehler unter die Haut gehen, wie sie einen verändern und dort bleiben. Man kämpft gegen sie an und während des Kampfes bemerkt man, das man schon längst zu einer andere Person geworden ist.

Kälte umarmt mich.
Lediglich die eiserne Kälte.
Sie ekelt mich an, ich schweige und halte inne vor dem letzten Schrei.
Es ist immer der letzte Schrei vor dem man steht.
Das letzte Wort.
Das letzte gemeinsame Erlebnis.
Es endet alles so wie es begonnen hat. -schrecklich
Doch ist es nur die Wahrheit, die an der Tür klopft?
Die Wahrheit die dich rüttelt und schüttelt und du einige unverantwortliche Personen in den Zog ziehst.
Es brennt wieder.
Irgendwann fühlt man sich so verbrannt und brennt noch mehr, obwohl man weiß das man nun ungenießbar ist.
Der Hunger kommt auf, so tief das nach jeder Mahlzeit dein Magen knurrt.
Er knurrt wie die Wut und brodelt aus den tiefen. Die Bläschen? Es sind Schreie, Schreie verstorbener Gefühle.
Du weißt das sie nie wieder aufkommen werden. Auch wenn die Situation es zulässt, weißt du es wird dich nie mehr beeindrucken.
Nichtmal ein Endlich wird aus dir kommen. Es wird eine Tatsache bleiben und wie eine Tatsache in der Geschichte unbeachtet untergehen.

Ich erzähle hier vom gewagten ersten Tanz und dem Ausrutscher mit den ersten hohen Schuhen.

Ein trockener Lacher kommt auf und deine Ironie beginnt mit dem Herzen zu schlagen. Die Ironie beginnt zu leben, dessen Geburt die schmerzhafteste ist. Er ist bitter, vertrocknet und verklebt.
Es schlägt dich, jeder Witz schlägt dich aufs neue nieder und deine Nerven tanzen und lachen. Sie begraben in der vertrocknetsten Wüste alle Gefühle, indem sie ein Lagerfeuer in der Nacht ausbreiten und Gitarre spielen melancholische Musik singen und kein Ton getroffen wird. Es ist so tief dunkel, das sie niemand hören kann. Sie sind bedeckt und so leise, man kann ihnen nicht lauschen. Es passiert einfach. Sie können sich selbst nicht aufhalten und lachen in die Flammen des Feuers hinein.

Das Werk ist vollbracht.
Die Gefühle sind vertrocknet und das lachen aus der höhle, wie aus der Hölle, beginnt das Leben zu beschnuppern. Die Asche fliegt nun durch die Luft und keiner kann sie vor dem Wirbelsturm bewahren.
Humor? Der Humor entsteht meist durch die Moral der Geschichte. Und die Geschichte?
Es wird sich nun jeder erheben und fragen was mit der Geschichte ist.
Sie ist zu Ende.
Sie ist zu Ende ehe sie begonnen hat.

Ich danke für diese Ehre. -knix

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